he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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