Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
