p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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