There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
