no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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