he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
