I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
