My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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