my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
