he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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