fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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