dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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