why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
