I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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