Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
