there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize