He asked to "fluff my boner.."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
