naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
