Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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