i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
