Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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