I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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