I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
