For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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