It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
