it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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