Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My ATM looks so different sober.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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