My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
