How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize