she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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