i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
