I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
