it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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