She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
