Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This baby is an asshole
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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