I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
