My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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