Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize