Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the liver wants what the liver wants
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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