We need to rekindle our bromance
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize