I feel great
I just peed on a car
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
