At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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