take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize