is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
