I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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