remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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