i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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