The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
