I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
