Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
