There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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