I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
