ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize