so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
