i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
