guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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