I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
