jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
