So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
