Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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