One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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