waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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