Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize