the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
