fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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