Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
