I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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