doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
