Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
that's an acceptable place to lick
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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