i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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