I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
