I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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