i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize