fuck your aforementioned shoe
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dear god my vagina.
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