We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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