Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Define "chronic" masturbator.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
