Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
