I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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