I don't usually arrange sex via text message
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize