ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
