pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
