I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
